Surprise! I Wrote Something

When I first started this blog, I was pretty sure I was filled with all kinds of wisdom about how adoption should worked. I thought I would find all kinds of things to write about that would "change" things and make everything all better. I don't think I ever had that thought specifically, it was kind of just a general feeling about the whole thing. Now it's been, what, like two months since the last time I wrote? Longer since the last time I wrote anything I actually liked. I'm feeling rather uninspired about the whole thing, and anytime I think about it longer than a couple minutes I find something more...pleasant, I guess, to distract myself with. 

At the time, it was all very rewarding and exciting. I was doing something awesome for everyone involved. I didn't even have to be actively doing anything, being pregnant was enough. It wasn't necessarily  fun, but it was rewarding. 

And now I have this. I do nothing, I sit around and I wait. If it's been too long since I've heard from them, I send them a quick email to find out how they're doing and let them know I'm still interested. And then I wait some more. He's only 5 months old, so he isn't quite asking questions yet. Until then I guess there won't be much required of me. And maybe not even then, I don't know what things will be like by the time he does start asking. 

There are all kinds of things I could be doing, I guess. I could be working on the scrapbook I started when he was four days old. After a couple days I put it down and I haven't picked it up since. I could be writing letters to him in the back of my journal, but it's been a long time since I did that, too. It isn't that there isn't anything to say. I have plenty of things I could write, but I don't. 

It is entirely possible that most of this is stemming from the fact that I haven't done anything for him or his family for Christmas yet. I've been thinking about it constantly for two months and I haven't come up with anything. Maybe I'm just trying to come up with something that is both meaningful AND that he will really enjoy, either now or sometime in the near future. 

We'll see how things go, I guess.