Just an Update

Lately my psychologist has been strongly urging me to get back in touch with J's parents.

"Get back in touch" because I haven't heard a single word from them since last August. Radio silence at my birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's day.

I can feel the blame in those last couple sentences perfectly clearly, but truth be told, I haven't contacted them either. Their last letter to me got mixed up and included pictures intended for their older son's birthmother instead of pictures of J. The letter accompanying it didn't really seem to require or even want a response, so even though I tried, I gave up before too long because it was all starting to feel incredibly forced.

Anyway, she wants me to write them a letter and make a specific plan for getting together with them - every three months at the most, but at last twice a year. I promised I'd have at least a good start on it by the end of the weekend, but I've been staring at a blank email for the last three days. I know what my issues are, and we discussed them, but the end result was really just that I can't not be a people pleaser as far as this is concerned.

So, that is where I stand. They are doing who knows what, and I am sitting around wondering what exactly that is and how I am supposed to convince them that I am capable of being present and available and reliable on a consistent basis, in spite of having fallen off the face of the earth almost a year ago.